18-year-old bride doesn't invite 37-year-old cousin to her wedding, family insists that she show up anyways: 'She unfriended me on Facebook last fall.'

Why would she show up to a wedding where she is clearly not welcome?

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  • A woman in a wedding dress holding a bouquet of flowers
    via Jen Vazquez

    Young bride poses with flowers, content that she didn't invite her cousin to her wedding.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I was not invited to my cousin's wedding, but family still wants me to show up. What should I do?

    I (37F) don't know why, but I was not invited to my cousin's (18F) upcoming wedding this summer.
    via u/knuds1b
  • I think it is in June or July, but not sure. Bummer, but I'm OK with this, as I will have a newborn by then and am not sure I'd want to bring a new baby 2+ hrs away to a crowd of hundreds of people anyways...
    via u/knuds1b
  • Invites went out months ago, family thinks I should still go and insist it was a mistake/missed invitation/no address/etc.
    via u/knuds1b
  • and am just using baby as an excuse to not to pry more or show up anyways.
    via u/knuds1b
  • Idk, the same cousin reached out and sent me an invite to their high school graduation party last year, which I happily attended, so they definitely have my address and/or know how to reach me if they lost it?
    via u/knuds1b
  • I'm sure they have their reasons for who did and didn't make the guest list...maybe they anticipated because of having a baby, that I'd not want to go and didn't want to waste the invite or pressure me?
    via u/knuds1b
  • Idk, the reason doesn't matter, to me. For any reason, I think it is beyond gauche to show up to anything uninvited, especially a wedding, regardless of having a baby.
    via u/knuds1b
  • A baby sleeping on top of a blanket
    via Olivie Strauss (Unsplash+)

    A newborn baby sleeps, completely ignorant of the fact that his mother was excluded from her cousin's wedding.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I feel it would also be gross for me to ask cousin why I wasn't invited, which I am also being pressured to do.
    via u/knuds1b
  • They're allowed to choose who they want to invite, and they don't need to give their reasoning to me or anyone else.
    via u/knuds1b
  • Family could ask cousin themselves if they're really ding to know?? How to tell family, there is zero reason to expect me to go if I'm not invited, simply because that is just tacky af?
    via u/knuds1b
  • They willfully don't seem to get this. I'm getting annoyed at the calls and texts about this.
    via u/knuds1b

  • She shouldn't have to lie to her family and say, "I was invited, but I can't go because I can't leave my baby alone." That would be a perfectly valid reason to skip a wedding, but you know what an even more valid reason for skipping a wedding is? Not being invited to the wedding in the first place! 

  • Edit -- y'all are giving me some amazing points on this! I didn't even think that she may not want a newborn there for many reasons.
    via u/knuds1b
  • Too noisy, or doesn't want to share the spotlight, etc. I do know she is absolutely dng to have babies herself.
    via u/knuds1b

  • How many stories have you seen online about conflict between a bride and a wedding-guest with an infant? I've seen about seven million. If you want a baby-free wedding and aren't confrontational enough to put that on the invitation, you might forego inviting family members and friends with infants altogether. I don't know if it would've been worse for the bride to tell her cousin directly exactly why she wasn't invited. People typically don't want to hear why they weren't invited to things, so that probably would just make the situation more awkward. This woman has the right idea, with just accepting her lack of an invite without incident, but the rest of her family refuses to learn from her or take a hint from her cousin.

  • I think that's part of the hurry to get married. I've never been married nor wanted to, so I appreciate the perspective.
    via u/knuds1b
  • It will surely be a dry wedding (She and groom are super- duper religious) so not about drinking, though my family are huge drinkers so they'll be bored as h I lol Edit 2: we are not close like I am with her older siblings...I realized I only know she is getting married at all because a family member shared her FB post about getting engaged late last year, and I saw it.
    via u/knuds1b
  • But I didn't see her own post myself. So I went to her FB just now....looks like she unfriended me sometime last fall.
    via u/knuds1b

  • The fact that she unfriended her suggests there's something deeper at play. It would be best for the cousin to talk to the bride after the wedding so they can squash their beef and clear the air, but for now, it's best that she avoids her so as not to spoil the wedding.

  • Lack of invite is probably intentional. So I'm absolutely not going to ask her about the invite now :/ Edit 3: I messaged the family to let them know that I'd been unfriended, thinking that would be the end of the conversation on my end -- and yet they still insist she must have done that by accident, or that Facebook somehow did it, because they've "heard of that happening to people".
    via u/knuds1b
  • Nonsense. Sure, their fellow tech- incompetent boomer friends might accidentally unfriend someone, or accidentally delete their profile, or accidentally get locked out, etc.
    via u/knuds1b
  • Happy caucasian senior couple using laptop at home
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    An old couple uses a computer together.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • -- but a teenage girl? No. They know perfectly well how to use social media.
    via u/knuds1b
  • Enough_Passage7926 >How to tell family Just be blunt? Tell them "there is zero reason to expect me to go if I'm not invited"
    via u/Enough_Passage7926
  • knuds1b Original Poster's Reply I tried that right away! They say, but it's family, surely cousin wants you to go, don't you want to go? The logic dies on them and it becomes about feelings. I can't redirect feelings back towards a logical argument.
    via u/knuds1b
  • Roam 1985 this crop on someone else. There is someone in your family other than you that can ask if it was an oversight where it will feel less awkward than the person who didn't get the invitation. If it was an oversight, your cousin or that family member can contact you and straighten it out between now and June/July. If it wasn't, your family doesn't get to dictate your cousin's guest list.
    via u/Roam1985
  • knuds1b Original Poster's Reply Yes, I told them to just ask her themselves. Then she won't feel pressured to give me an invite as much as if I were asking myself. And they can satisfy their curiosity. Have they done this? No.
    via u/knuds1b
  • IHaveBoxerDogs Just don't talk to them about it. "I already told you I am not going. Please drop it, or I'm leaving/hanging up/not responding. Girl, if you can't handle family pressure now, wait until they have opinions about child rearing!
    via u/IHaveBoxerDogs
  • knuds1b Original Poster's Reply This is my 2nd child, I'm used to their outdated opinions on kids by now lol
    via u/knuds1b
  • mokasinder Is there a way to directly ask your cousin if this was intentional? Or maybe just call to congratulate her and let her know you will be busy with newborn and wish her well.
    via u/mokasinder
  • knuds1b Original Poster's Reply I plan to send her the same gift as graduation, a card with check, in the mail either way. I considered a possible miss, but the graduation party and wedding guest lists were only made 9 months apart -- wouldn't the 1st list ostensibly be used to make the 2nd list, saving a ton of time when you already have names and addresses, and would avoid missing anyone that way? If it was or wasn't intentional, either is OK, but regardless I would still feel awful if she fel
    via u/knuds1b
  • shortvoj1sla30 If you show up uninvited with a newborn, you'll be the person everyone talks about for the wrong reasons.
    via u/shortvoj1sla30
  • Grand-Spring66 Your family is crazy
    via u/Grand-Spring66
  • Mountain-Donkey98 DO NOT show up to a wedding uninvited. Im stunned your family is advising you to do that. Its totally inappropriate.
    via u/Mountain-Donkey98
  • FoundationCareful662 Tell your family you're not going because you simply were not invited. No more no less
    via u/FoundationCareful662
  • markayhali Never show up to anything you were not invited to. It's tacky. Shut your family down. I am not sure why you keep discussing it. Or why they care.
    via u/markayhali
  • OwnLobster 1701 You have the exact right perspective. You're family is being super crazy over it. I'm sure whatever the reason is will come. out eventually, if you are at all curious. I'm sure you're right, there is a reason, and I'm sure it makes sense to your cousin, even if its not readily apparent to anyone else. It could just be a simple oversight during a stressful life event. Who knows. But you're definitely reacting in the most normal way. Your family needs to relax. Congrats on your bab
    via u/OwnLobster1701

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